The TCUP™
Now it was 2011 and commuting congestion was worse than ever. What could we do with all the latest cheap 14 GHz computer chips and the three-for-a-penny nanosensor technologies? This time Len Stobar was the mental spark for what became the extremely popular TCUP (Turtle Car Ultimate Parasite). This is the machine that made our earlier MINIMACAR seem huge! It was really, really LOW and took advantage of the huge proliferation of Sports Utility Vehicles (SUV's) and Pickup Trucks!To drive this skinny, single passenger vehicle, one had to lay down absolutely flat inside. You were almost scraping the road in this baby. You drove with your fingertips on flat control panels at each side of your flat body (no room for a steering wheel). You also had to wear Virtual Reality goggles (VR) to see the road ahead, because there wasn't even enough room to tilt your head up. This machine was so low that you could drive right UNDERNEATH normal cars. (A variation of the laws allowing motorcycles to "white line" between slower moving cars allowed us to use this slightly different dimension.) The beauty of the TCUP was you could care less if all the cars ahead were crawling at 8 miles per hour in heavy traffic. The TCUP's on-board computer allowed your car to safely travel at a steady 65 mph playing "Asteroids" underneath and in between all the slow moving cars, SUV's and Pickup Trucks in your direct path (aren't computers grand!).
Fig. 4. The TCUP. (Artwork courtesy of Steve Crompton, Opus Graphics)
But grandfather, weren't there some sports cars you simply couldn't get under, no matter how low you made the TCUP?
Well John, "Low Rider cars" were really no problem - obviously, the computer sensing cycle rate of 5,000 times per second was plenty to avoid all upcoming possible "obstacles." The TURTLE in the name referred to its protective elongated half-shell shape - smooth, rounded and flush to the ground. All the TCUP vehicles were made of Dupont "Buckyball Impervium," so even in the worst case, computer errors were irrelevant - because your vehicle was nothing more than a pain in the neck speed bump to the other drivers. No damage to either vehicle! And, yes, SUV's obviously became great PARASITE attachment targets whenever traffic was flowing smoothly! Sold tons of TCUP's.
There were many reasons the TCUP's became so popular. The early purchasers merely liked minimizing their commute times independent of traffic congestion. The next set of buyers liked the fact that even with all its onboard computing power and hundreds of networked sensor systems, these vehicles were just one quarter the price of the typical family sedan. Later owners realized that since head-on and sideways collisions really were impossible with the super low TCUP turtle design shape, they no longer needed to buy a second 3,000 pound family car just to get themselves back and forth to work safely. People also liked the fact that instead of paying $20 per day to park an automobile downtown, they could park their TCUPs for just $1 per day. This was because the skinny, light vehicles were easy to tilt up to vertical, then stack and lock. 1/20th the floor space and 1/20th the parking cost.
Come on gramps, get real, it was really just the fun and adrenaline rush of playing "Asteroids" at 65 mph - in complete safety! New Millennium Paintball!
